Saying Yes to Jesus

Suffering for the Gospel. When most of hear this, we think of the persecuted church in countries that are closed to the Gospel. We think of torture, imprisonment, and constant threats on your life. Not being able to freely speak of the goodness of Christ without fear of reprimand. However, all suffering may not be quite as severe as all this.

Recently, I was sick for about three weeks. I felt so bad that I wasn’t able to do much other than lay in my house. Over the past three years of my time living in Africa, this was definitely the worst I’ve felt and the longest period of time that I’ve been sick. I felt worthless, and even began to even question my purpose of being in Tonj, since I couldn’t accomplish anything or be out with the people. 

During this time, I began to reflect on some conversations that I’ve had in the past with some teammates regarding suffering. One instance was a recent conversation Tianna and I had regarding her struggle with acne since coming to South Sudan. As silly as it sounds, the battle with acne in South Sudan is a form of suffering. I was also reminded of a conversation I had with a past teammate during a time in Ethiopia when many of us were constantly battling sickness; sleepless nights due to countless runs to the bathroom because of something you ate or drank is a form of suffering. Even though these examples are not quite as “exciting” as stories from Paul or an undercover missionary biography, it’s still part of the cost of being a disciple of Jesus. 

As my view began to morph from feeling worthless, I tried to focus on being thankful to have been given the opportunity to suffer for the Gospel, no matter how insignificant it may seem. Although I may live in a place where I’m not persecuted for my faith by being tortured, imprisoned or receiving constant threats on my life, there is a cost of leaving my family, having a variety of tropical illnesses and not as many comforts as I would have in America. As a believer, when you say yes to Jesus, that means at all costs, no matter where, what or the what the outcome is.

As holidays are upon us, I know that this is a particularly difficult time for me as well as other people who are away from home, and for the families that are left behind. As we are missing our loved ones this holiday season, may we all focus on the cost of discipleship, joyfully proclaiming that Jesus is worth it!

 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let your steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4 

Rejoicing and Weeping

For some time now, I have been meditating on Romans 12 and what the marks of a true Christian are. It is a long list, and I still definitely have a lot to work on, as I strive to be more like Jesus from the inside out. Recently, the Lord has given me circumstances where I have been able to observe some of these verses coming to life.

A few months ago, I was away from Tonj for a few weeks. Upon my return, my teammate Tianna shared with me how Jesus had intertwined her path with a woman who was very sick and whose baby was extremely malnourished. She had been visiting them in the hospital and at their home, praying for a miracle, as the doctors didn’t look upon the situation too promising. A few days after I returned to Tonj, we received word that the baby had passed. Here in South Sudan, infant mortality rate is high and I have yet to meet a woman with a handful of children who has not experienced the death of at least one of her babies. Culturally, there is a fatalistic outlook on life, so the death of a lost loved one, especially a child, should not be mourned because it is a fact of life. After receiving the news of the passing of the baby, we went to visit the woman at her home. Upon arrival, Tianna began to lovingly tell her that she was sorry for her loss and was moved to tears. I was able to see the hardness of this woman’s face soften as Tianna reached out and took her hand. Soon tears began to stream down the woman’s face. No more words were said for some minutes as the two mourned together. As I observed this, I saw the love of Jesus coming through Tianna. She had no comforting words to say, but her actions spoke louder than any words ever could. This is the heart of Jesus. He mourns with us when we mourn, and calls us to do the same for our brothers and sisters.

Sometimes, I am known for being a realist. Stating the facts and at times being insensitive to others around as I don’t always think before I speak. We had interns in Tonj for about a month this summer. It’s always nice to have some new faces to give a fresh perspective on daily life here and how different it is from America, as I have become accustomed to the cultural and living differences. New experiences and things that may bring joy to others may not excite me much or even affect me at all. Unfortunately, I found myself being a “bubble popper” through my realism and lack of a filter. I was reminded by a teammate that celebrating the joys of others is just as important as mourning with them. It is just as much of His heart in showing love.

As believers, we are called to love each other genuinely. As a church we are called to support one another in all circumstances as we follow the teachings of Jesus.  Through His example, we see that He feels what we feel, and intensely cares for each and every one of His sheep. We should strive to do the same,” rejoicing with those who rejoice, and weeping with those who weep”.

Where You Go I'll Go

At the beginning of January, I hopped on a plane in Houston to head back to Africa to begin another two-year stint in South Sudan. During my time in the States, I was repeatedly asked why I chose to return to South Sudan, even after all of the unrest and moving around I had experience in my first two-year term. I was asked why would I return to one of the most unstable countries in the world instead of remaining in America. Why would I choose to return to a place where there is war, famine, little development or infrastructure, and a tanking economy. Hadn’t I done enough and had enough adventure from my first two years in South Sudan? Wasn’t it time to move on with my life?

Many people assumed that I must have received extremely strong calling from the Lord to prompt me to return. However, in my decision to stay in South Sudan, there was no voice from heaven or vivid dream. No strong word of knowledge, other than that the Lord wasn’t calling me to go anywhere else.

When I left Houston two and half years ago, it was clear from the Lord that he wasn’t calling me to live in Houston; he was calling me to live in South Sudan. Before that, I thought I was called to live in America, although I now realize that I had never actually asked Him. Right now the Lord isn’t telling me to go anywhere else; not to Houston, France, Japan, or any other place. He is telling me to stay where I am, and I count myself extremely blessed to have been gifted with a love for the people that I live with. Two years from now who knows where he’ll lead. Maybe he will say to stay, maybe to head back to America or maybe he’ll lead me to a completely different nation.

So, just as people questioned why I chose to return to live in South Sudan, I would like to challenge you to ask yourself the same question: why do you live in where you do? Did the Lord call you where you are or is that just where you randomly ended up? Have you sought his face in where he wants you to be? Is he leading you to live in suburbia, the city, the country or abroad? Is he telling you to stay put where he currently has you or to uproot your life and follow him where he leads? Whatever he is asking of you, although it may not be easy, pain free or even logical in human sense, it will be good and beautiful because he is always good, and he calls us to things that are greater than what we could ever imagine.

 I think the song “I Will Follow” by Chris Tomlin says it well, and I pray that the lyrics will ring true in all of our hearts.

Where you go I’ll go

Where you stay I’ll stay

When you move I’ll move

I will follow you

All your ways are good

All your ways are sure

I will trust in you alone

Higher than my sight

High above my life

I will trust in you alone